Felicity

    Felicity- Such a beautiful word. It is defined by Webster as "the quality or state of being happy" however I cannot help but think this state of joy and bliss can hardly be understood by confining it to mere words or definitions. Rather, its meaning can be derived best from experience. It is that moment that pulls at your heart strings and causes joy to well up inside until it radiates from every fiber of your being. Or that instance in which you cannot contain the infectious smile that forms across your face and a sheen of fresh tears glisten over your eyes blurring the world only slightly.
 
    Although there is much pain in the world and imperfections, there are moments one can experience great felicity that serve as a mere foretaste of the glorious day when Eden is restored. Despite the brokeness and depravity of this earth, the Lord is our source of joy and through him, we experience peace and have hope that sustains us through the trials and hardships in life.  But amidst this life, the Lord has given us a generous sprinkling of blissful times that induce felicity on this earth. What first comes to mind is the joy and happiness I receive from working with elementary students downtown in an after school facility.  Most of these students come from family lives that are very different from my own up bringing and they crave attention and praise. Through these kids, I have been blessed beyond belief. It never ceases to warm my heart as I walk through the door and they run over and wrap their tiny arms around my waist.  It reminds me of my own childhood as I would go to my mother and she would envelop me in a loving embrace and sooth my worries and fear, and reinforce her love for me.  It was in those very arms I felt love, security, safety, peace, and contentment. I realized that although some of these students may not have parents who can embrace them, they have a Heavenly Father who stands with arms outstretched longing for their hearts to turn to Him. In His arms only does true love and peace that eradicates all fear exist.
 
    There is truly nothing sweeter than watching a child learn. Most weeks I work with the same student and it has been such a rewarding thing to see his face light up when he gets the right answer or finally understands a concept in math. I often wonder if this is a minuscule picture of how the Lord feels about me when I finally listen to his voice and understand his truths.  The greatest picture of this is seen in Zephaniah 3:17. It says "The Lord your God is with you. He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you. He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing". How truly incredible it is to know that the Lord delights in us and rejoices just as I rejoice over a right math answer or completed homework assignment done by the student.
 
    Whether I am explaining WW2 with what limited knowledge of history I possess, playing tag with eight precious children until my sides ache from laughing, or simply listening to the stories these children long to share, I experience true felicity. As I was reading an article the other day, I came across a phrase that I cannot stop thinking about. With simplicity and much profundity the author implored the reader to bloom where you are planted. Although there are a million things to be involved in, especially at college, I believe the Lord has me at Samford, in Phi Mu, in my small group, and volunteering with these kids for a purpose. It is my desire to not take these things for granted or try to search for the "greener grass" elsewhere, but simply have joy in the context he has planted me in and serve him faithfully here. If you are reading this, I hope you too can look at your surroundings with fresh eyes and find joy in the places you are called to and live as a shining light for the Lord experiencing felicity each day.

Harvest is Plentiful but the Workers are Few

 
   In Church this past month, we have been studying the book of Matthew and I confess the messages have been some of the most challenging messages I have heard. I firmly believe that once you hear truths, you have no excuse to disobey them; for that is an act of willful sinning. I will be the first to tell you I am the biggest culprit of this offense. Sometimes, we fool ourselves into thinking that ignorance is bliss. However, concerning Godly matters, we have no excuse, for the principles and truths have been given to us explicitly in God's word and spoken into our hearts by the Holy Spirit if we are believers.

    One major theme of the study has been that Jesus possesses absolute authority. He has absolute authority over sin, disease, salvation, and death. As Pastor Platt says, "This is good news for us!"  He has the ability to penetrate to the root of all suffering-sin. He came to reconcile sinners to himself.  How incredible is that?! I simply cannot fathom why a perfect and Holy Lord desires my sinful self, but he does!! So much so that he DIED for it. He reigns over us supremely and brings hope and life.  Now these are remarkable truths that lead to ultimate freedom in Christ. But what are we to do with this?  If we believe that Jesus is our sovereign Lord and we commit our lives to serving Him, we must take it a step further and also believe that He warrants absolute allegiance from the world.

    I have realized that I am not called to merely celebrate the great news of Christ (although that is certainly something I should rejoice in daily) but I am called to tell others about it. I was challenged last sunday with this question: Am I willing to pay the price (whatever it may cost) to spread this news? Throughout the New Testament and especially in the book of Matthew, Jesus calls his disciples to go. He calls us to go to the diseased, to the dying, and to the social outcast- to all of those that are in need of a savior. As daunting as that seems, Jesus does not stop there. He calls us sometimes into dangerous situations and warns that we will be betrayed and persecuted. To me, this does not seem like the ideal informational God could have used to call others to Him. I mean, telling people that there will be suffering in following him isn't the best way to win over a crowd. But as I read through scripture, Jesus never tries to plead or entice people to follow him or convince them their life will be a great hallmark movie. Instead, he simply tells them that He is the way, the truth, and the life. And that, my friends is all we need. We live in a materialistic society where we constantly strive for more. Whether it involves a more expansive designer wardrobe, bigger houses, more expensive cars, etc. We buy into the lie that these things will bring about happiness. Now I am not saying that these things are sinful in and of themselves, but I do believe that if these things have greater importance than your relationship to Christ, then they are stumbling blocks in your faith. I assure you I am guilty of this more than anyone, so please know I am not criticizing. The Lord has just opened my eyes to the idea that I do not find true life in indulging in pleasure, society, or the safety and security of this world.  I find true life in letting all of these things go and clinging to Christ. Pastor Platt made a very bold and convicting statement that will not leave my thoughts. He said if we want a comfortable life in this world, then we need to stay away from Jesus. So we must ask ourselves, do we really want to be like Christ?

     Although this seems incredibly intense, radical abandonment to Christ is a beautiful thing! As convicting as this study has been, I have realized how much hope and peace exists in this. Although we are called to follow Christ wherever he may lead, the glorious news is that we are not doing this alone or by our own strength! God will take care of us! We have a Lord that loves us deeply and has great plans for us.  Our home is not this sinful world. It is my greatest desire to live out the days the Lord has blessed me with on this earth serving him completely until the day He calls me home and in great anticipation for the day Eden is restored. I have been gripped by the urgency of the gospel and incredibly convicted of my own apathetic attitude in the past. My prayer every day is that God will open my eyes to the lost around me and help me rely completely on Him. My prayer for the church and this generation is that we will not settle for the "health, wealth, and prosperity" gospel but truly be a people that follow boldly after the Lord and identify with Paul as he writes in Philippians that to live is Christ, to die is gain.

A Few Favorite Quotes

  I love reading books and listening to sermons.  The author/speaker has invested countless hours and often sought the Lord diligently while preparing and its a beautiful moment when you come across a line or point that strikes your heart to the core.  Sometimes, its an encouraging word that acts as a bandage for a wound or a phrase that provides immense truth and conviction that reverberates through our soul. These are only a minuscule amount of words that hold deep meaning to me. Some are funny, others entirely serious, but the truths are inescapable.

This is God's universe and He does things His way. You may have a better way, but you don't have a universe -Francis Chen

Jesus came to comfort the afflicted, but He also came to afflict the comfortable -Jesus Freaks

This is why the devil tries so hard to get Christians to be religious. If he can sink a man's mind into habit, he will prevent his heart from engaging in God -Donald Miller

We are involved in a spiritual war. The enemy is formidable, the scope is universal, involvement is inevitable. Spiritual retreat only leads to spiritual defeat. The stakes are eternal. [but] we are not alone in this war. We do not fight this war for victory; we fight from victory! -David Platt

This gospel saves, its what people need! Do we believe that? We must refuse to live in self-centered Christianity that hoards it and as those in church buildings that diminish the view and character of God.-Platt

Where is the weeping in our worship? Is there humility? If brokeneess and humility have no place in our worship, then God has no place in our worship. -Platt

What comes into our minds when we think about God is the most important thing about us. Tozer

[Man] is willing to share himself, sometimes even to sacrifice himself for a desired end, but never to dethrone himself. . . he is still in his own eyes a king on a throne -Tozer

We live out our lives sandwiched between a greater narrative and greater need. -Beth Moore

We are saved by grace for a purpose. He set us free so we can set others free. Not so we can have a little Christian "Bless Me" Club but so we can make a different in our dark world. Light is most effective in darkness. 

It is much easier for me to imagine a praying murderer, a praying prostitue, than a vain person praying. Nothing is so at odds  with prayer as vanity. -Bonhoeffer

One cannot simply read the Bible, like other books. One must be prepared really to enquire of it. Only thus will it reveal itself. -Bonhoeffer

Christians cannot be governed by mere principles. Principles could carry one only so far. At some point every person must hear from God, must know what God was calling him to do, apart from others. -Bonhoeffer

Vessel of the Lord

 So often I grow complacent in everyday life and go through the motions of the day without truly looking at a single person. I find myself glancing up only occasionally from a starbucks line or bookstore aisle to quickly meet the gaze of a bystander, only to quickly avert my attention back to the enthralling book cover or to the vast selection of caffeine choices available. It amazes me that I can stare blankly into a person's eyes around me and see only hollowness. I'm convinced it takes a certain level of talent and practice to be so self absorbed that I cannot see past my own problems. How is it that I can look at people and remain so guarded that I fail to notice the flecks of pain in their forced smile, the rigid facial expression that reveals a great degree of anxiousness, or the spark in their eyes that comes from pure joy? We come in contact with so many people throughout the day (I am sure some smart person has conducted a study that gives a number for this but I don't know it off the top of my head). What would it look like if I were to make the most of these interactions, even with complete strangers, and focus more on them. I strongly believe that each day we wake up is a gift from God and is meant to be used entirely for His glory. I am not trying to put words in God's  mouth but I'm fairly confident that there is nothing honoring to Him when we remain fixated on our own agendas and fail to love or even acknowledge the existence of the beautiful human beings He has placed in our path for the day.

        I suppose this is such a big issue to me because it is one I largely struggle with and have been convicted of. The Lord has shown me that appearances truly are deceiving and even the seemingly most put-together-person has scars and deep wounds that inflict unimaginable pain. Perhaps you encounter a beautiful girl in line and due to jealousy you begin to measure yourself up to her and immediately judge her because life for Barbie look-alikes like herself must be perfect. What you may not realize is that this girl struggles with an eating disorder and fails to see her own worth or beauty. Her body image is incredibly distorted and she is in bondage to the lies Satan feeds her: that she is worthless, she will never be good enough, she is ugly. She does not realize that she is fearfully and wonderfully made, and the daughter of a great King who loves and adores her and has created her in his perfect image. Just maybe, God placed this girl in your path (or perhaps vice versa) so that you could simply smile and show her that she has worth and help her regain confidence in the Lord. Or, maybe you pass by someone sitting at the bar as you enter a restaurant. So often it is easy to judge this person but what if we were to take time to realize that this very person may be spending their evenings alone attempting to drown out their problems and worries. They feel hopeless, dejected, and see no worth or point to life and maybe they are contemplating ending their own. I am not trying to place guilt or convict others. I am simply relaying what the Lord has been teaching me. I struggle with this in the worst way, but through his grace, the Lord has taught me that THESE are the very people He died for. Like me, they are in desperate need of a Savior and cannot find true joy or meaning apart from Him. In a video, a non Christian actually commented that if Christians really believed in God and the Bible, then how much would they have to hate someone to not tell them about Christ. I think this is a great question and one that I am in constant need of thinking about. If I believe in the sovereignty of the Lord and that Christ is the only way to salvation, and in Him alone is life found, how could I not tell others around me about this great hope. It amazes me that the Lord is willing to use me, even though He certainly does not need me, to be a light to these dark and broken souls. He can use me to speak truth straight into someone's life as he becomes the perfect salve for their gaping wounds.

         It is my prayer that God will continue to break my heart for what breaks His, and let me feel deep sorrow and love for the very people around me that are in need of His grace and love. What if I lived each moment fully expecting Him to work in the lives of the people around me? How incredible it would be to be a vessel He can work through to touch these lives. But in order to do that, I must first look into their eyes and smile.

Random Things I love (In no apparent order)

Smiling-              I know this is super cheesy but its true. Even when I am having a horrible day, if I can just make myself smile, I am reminded that my situation really is not all that terrible. God has blessed me with so much and it is my prayer that His love can be evident in my life.  What better way to make even one person’s day better than to simply smile. Although it doesn’t happen all the time, my favorite is when my cheeks ache from smiling so much. 

                       That kind of joy comes only from the Lord!

Laughing-       The best is when you laugh so hard you can barely breathe to the point where tears stream down your face. My favorite memories include lots of laughter (working at a stable, telling stories with my family, opening a friendship pact with Teddie, bonding with girls on my hall, dancing and singing at the top of my lungs with my roommate, etc.) Even moments like today, when a friend and I accidentally let a mute hillbilly stranger walk into the house only to find out he was at the wrong place.

Writing-              There is something so freeing and peaceful about it. Although I am certainly not the best writer, its so wonderful to take a break from a hectic day and sit alone for a few minutes to write my thoughts on what the Lord has been teaching me.

Prayer-                 No matter how stressed or anxious I am, when I take time to come before the Lord and communicate with Him, my day is completely changed. He has created us to be relational people that desire intimacy. There is truly nothing sweeter than spending time with the Lord sharing my most intimate thoughts and worries and also thanking Him for his blessings.

Road trips-      Driving through different towns or eating at local cafes or dinners is so much fun. I love the spontaneity of it all- simply stop wherever seems cute and meet new people. All that is required is a tank of gas and a few good companions.

Coffee-                 Some tell me I am an addict, but I have decided that as long as I stay under 4 cups a day, I am still ok J The smell and the rich taste of coffee brighten any day.

Roller-coasters- I LOVE the rush of adrenaline that hits you as your heart beats faster and you finally near the top of the climb and brace yourself for the speed and loops that are to come. (but I would be lying if I said I didn’t say a prayer every time the cart slowly edges up the hill and wonder why I thought this was a good idea). But in the end, I always end the ride and decide riding it once was simply not enough. If I wanted to get deep, I would very unoriginally compare life to this roller-coaster, but ill save this analogy for a blog on a rainy day.

Taking pictures- I am not a great photographer by any stretch of the imagination, but I love capturing moments in life. Black and white photos are the best!

Gospel Music-  This is a new obsession of mine 

Waiting in Haran

 Now that the Christmas season is officially over and New Years has already come and gone, I no longer have any distractions to keep from planning my life. If you are anything like me-bless your heart if thats the case- you have finally caved into the New Year's pressure and complied a list of things or ideas you would like to see take form in the year to come. Some people find joy in seeing their dreams written in ink, and become giddy with anticipation as they decide to tackle the challenges as if marking off items on a grocery list. Others however, become lost in the seemingly impossible list staring back at them and become consumed with dread and doubt, seemingly dooming themselves before they even begin. Admittedly, I have been both of those people. My closet Type-A personality finds childlike joy in seeing an item checked off a list. (I might even write down things I have already finished just to gain the satisfaction from crossing it out... don't judge, Im sure you do it too). Yet, another part of me absolutely abhors the idea of failure. Fail-what a loathsome four-letter word! Some years, when I glance at the aspirations I have, it seems nearly impossible and I let the fear of striking out keep me from playing the game (my apologies Babe Ruth). 


    To be honest, this year, I started out with the mentality of the latter. It's crazy because I have had an incredible year with first semester at college and God has provided so richly, yet I still doubt. Although I have know that the Lord has plans for my life, I often find myself questioning them. This past week, I wrote an email to a friend and I frantically began to type these words "Ive lately begun to doubt that God can ever use me. I haven't really been through a lot of difficult times like some of the girls I talk to, I let my pride step in instead of seeking wisdom, and I truly don't know how God can ever use me to reach girls. Like, what does that even mean?? How can I serve the Lord when I am so caught up in serving myself??" I remember the moment I typed this part in the message, I immediately felt the Lord speaking directly to me. He granted me peace from my rant and in a moment of stillness before him, I realized something and in the midst of my breakdown and tantrum, I felt like God was teaching me. Im thankful He is a forgiving God, because I am so sure I have been such an obnoxious person lacking faith in my prayers recently. That night, I think I took just long enough to pause and listen to him. I just recently realized that you know what, all of what I am saying is true. I am inadequate, I have no qualifications for my calling, I am incredibly self-centered, and I'm not capable for this task. BUT…..HE IS!!! And for some reason, He is using me and its not about my abilities, but my willingness to be used by him. In my weakness, He will be made stronger. So I suppose I just need to take a breath, keep reminding myself of this truth, and be so incredibly thankful that I serve this awesome God who knows I cannot do it on my own, but wants to use me anyway! I keep thinking of Moses, and how He told the Lord he didn't think he was capable of the leading the people out of Egypt. He told the Lord "I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nor since you have spoken to your servant. I am slow of speech" thats totally something I would say to God. in fact, Im sure I have. But I think it is so cool that despite his inadequacies, God showed that He was greater than his weaknesses and said "Who gave this man his mouth? Who makes him deaf or mute? Who gives sight or makes him blind? Is it not I, the Lord? Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say"  I am pretty sure this is the convo I have been having with God a lot lately. Yet it's so neat that God reveals his power in this verse and says that HE will be our strength! So then, when I reread this passage over and over again, I sit here, much like I am now, and feel so incredibly stupid for doubting Him. How is it that I can manage to doubt God being able to use me?  Its like I am questioning his power and abilities when I say that I am beyond help. This is the same God that spoke through a burning bush, parted a ginormous sea, defeated entire nations, spoke life into dead bodies, created mountains, and made mana fall from the sky, yet I have the audacity to doubt his ability to make my life useful for his glory.


    As I am realizing these things, I am left with this question…Now what? What does this mean and look like for my life? What will my ministry look like? What am I supposed to be doing right now and in the future? Sometimes, I worry like its my job and thinking about the future would literally terrify me because it is so unknown. Now, I have established that fear has no need because God is in control, but what am I supposed to do until he reveals his plans to me? Well, this past week, I have started reading through Genesis again and of course, God spoke directly to my heart on this matter just this evening (His timing really is perfect). In Genesis, Abram travels with his father Terah, Lot, and his wife Sarai and set out from Ur to go to Canaan. In verse 31 of chapter 11, I caught something for the first time. It says "BUT when they came to Haran, they settled there" So they originally set out for Canaan, BUT stopped in Haran instead of finishing the journey. There is no explanation for the stop, perhaps Terah was sick or too tired to continue or they were fearful to go on, or any number of things. All we know is that they stopped. I cannot help but think what Abram might have thought once they stopped. He was not at his intended destination, but thankfully, having read the rest of the story we know this did not stop God's calling or plans in his life.  It seems like this time in Haran was a time of transition and a waiting period for Abram. He waited until his father died until he continued the journey to reach Canaan to fulfill the Lord's calling and it was there that the Lord made a covenant with him. Maybe God used this period of waiting in Abrams life to teach Abram to trust him or to prepare him for the service the Lord had planned for him. As I read this, I realized that much like Abram, I am in a place of waiting in my own life. I see small glimpses of the Lord's plans for my future but I am not there yet. As much as I have agonized over trying to decipher them, I realized that God is using this very time of transition to help me depend fully on him and prepare me for his purpose. So instead of complaining and worrying while waiting in my own 'Haran' I need to trust Him and not lose faith that He who began a good work in me WILL carry it to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. 

It's a Wonderful Life

   

      Christmas is by far my absolutely favorite season. In one aspect, it's a time when people take a break from their hectic schedules and relive their childhood, if only for a few hours.  This is nothing like the adrenaline rush from tearing the paper off of a package and finally unveiling the gift that has been taunting you for weeks under the tree. Or maybe the best part is seeing the faces of your family members as they open the gift you agonized over and wrestled for in the insane mob of shoppers at the store. You realize your battle wounds are worth it when you see the sparkle in their eye or the smile that slowly forms across their face. On a less exaggerated-more serious note, Christmas is my favorite time because it is a celebration of a birth unlike any others that provides hope for all. It is in this season that we take time to remember the divine entrance of our savior into the world and marvel at the love and sovereignty of our Lord. We serve a God who brought his own son (perfect and sinless) into a dark, broken, and fallen world to die the most horrific and painful death so that we might be saved. Although society has made this a consumer-driven holiday filled with jolly Santas, reindeer, crowded shopping malls, and gifts, may we never forget the true reason we celebrate Christmas.
     
      Although this year has been different than most, here's a little glimpse of the wonderful Grubbs family Christmas. (You undoubtedly have much better things to do than read about my Christmas season so far, but humor me) Since I have been gone all semester, coming home for the Holiday's has been great and now that my sister is back it is kind of like old times. Today, my mother and I continued watching Hallmark movies while my sister did last minute shopping. As the evening rolled around, my father and I watched Crazy Christmas Lights on TLC and decided that like Bobby Ray with the christmas light sweater, we too shall accept the challenge to decorate our house next year so that the lights can be seen from outer space. Even if it meant adding 13 extra electrical circuits to our house. (Although my mom was not too keen on the idea). We continued the tradition of pizza bread for dinner while we watched It's A Wonderful Life and then opened the one gift set aside for Christmas eve. This year, my father talked non-stop about wanting a Christmas sweater. So, like any good daughter, I went to a second-hand store and found him the most unique one available. This particular gem was light gray with an attempt at black argyle on the front. As if the gift wasn't enough, I failed to read the words on the wrapping paper I used until after I put the bow on.  Instead of the traditional Merry Christmas etched across the package, it read "love is great happiness, love is eternal like the circle of a ring" I decided the wedding wrapping paper gave it additional pazazz. Thankfully tonight, my father thought it was hilarious and when he saw the sweater, he decided he was definitely wearing it tomorrow (even though it had to have formerly belonged to a chain smoker). He was a great sport about it and I reassured him the smoky smell made it more rustic. After everyone else went to bed, my father and I stayed up watching The Christmas Story, quoting the entire movie. I have to say, this has definitely been one of my favorite Christmas Eve's. As I reflect upon this past year, I am reminded how blessed I truly am and my heart is filled to the brim with joy and love for the Lord. How incredible, that despite my sarcasm, stubbornness, and pride, He loves me. That my friends, is the greatest gift of all.