Everyday Blessings

I read a post by John Piper that talked about his lessons from great men like his Father and C.S. Lewis. One in particular was his observation that in life, they always found ways to be amazed.  They looked for the divine in everyday occurrences. By beholding the glory and beauty around them, they were no longer focused on themselves but rather had their eyes fixed on the Lord.  I want to live like this. I want to look at the people around me and instead of seeing a body with a coffee in hand, I want to recognize that they are a soul who share in the same love of a coffee shop as I do.  They are not robots but men and women like me who also bear the image of the heavenly. As I prayed for this, the Lord opened my eyes and I realized that this same Lord I often accuse of being absent or silent is found everywhere in his creation. When I look for Him, I cannot stop seeing evidence of His presence.

There’s this sweet old woman in Starbucks that I hope to be like one day. She comes in almost every day and diligently reads her bible and takes notes- occasionally glancing around smiling and talking to people near her. Tonight Laura and I watched as she knelt beside the young girl sitting near her and asked to pray for her. It truly was a beautiful moment.

The couple beside me has been going through the book of Ephesians and talking about how to apply it to their marriage and life.

Even in the unbelieving man from Belgium who asked my roommate about the gospel. Despite his unbelief that some guy on a cross could save him, God was there. In his questioning. In his search for more. The Lord knew. Unbeknownst to this man, the Lord was reconciling his heart, else he wouldn’t have stopped to ask.

As I drove to the hospital to sit with a friend, I ran into a sweet older woman in the parking garage who looked about as confused as I felt. She asked if I knew where the exit of the garage was since we were on the 4^th floor. Naturally, I pretended to know exactly how to get out and prayed the old elevator would make it without stopping. Somehow even the floor that said level 1 yielded no luck. I found a door with three levels of stairs and assured the lady this would lead to the sidewalk meanwhile apologizing repeatedly that I couldn’t find a better way. Thankfully she just laughed and said she knew she needed the exercise.  As we reached the landing, we walked the next few blocks to the hospital entrance and talked as if we were long-time friends. 

A few days ago, as I was pacing the aisles of Publix searching for almond milk and two minutes from calling my mom and asking her where it might be (because mom’s magically know the layout of every grocery store) I passed a woman.  She was in a motorized scooter and I heard the exasperation in her voice as a stream of “Sweet Lord Jesus” escaped from her breath while she struggled to stand and reach the top shelf. I walked over and asked if she needed help and with a look of mixed confusion and thankfulness she asked if I could help her find some turkey breast and pork chops. My first though Naturally, of all the people in the store, this poor woman asked a vegetarian to help her find meat. In all honesty, I do not know the difference between a pork chop and tenderloin steaks. My pride would not allow me to admit that so I spent the next several minutes showing her different meat packages and waiting for her to shake her heard or give a nod of approval. Thankfully she left the store with everything she needed and I left better educated on meat. I’d say it was a win-win.

A Wooded Trail and a Beautiful Friendship

Despite the whirlwind of these first few weeks back on campus, I have found freedom here. These friendships are something divine. The Lord has sovereignly and lovingly weaved the intricate threads of our lives together and He has made a beautiful thing. There is something to be said about people who will support and love you despite your brokenness. I am learning that we are all broken people; there is no need to try and hide it.  These ladies get that.  We can laugh, cry, and stay up until the sun begins to break through the sky and share life- the good and the ugly.  Although our paths begin and possibly end in different zip codes, for the present we are blessed to encourage each other and walk through this chapter of our journeys together. 

Today, I got to go on a walk with my dear friend Laura. The thing about this Laura girl is that even if its been months, when we reunite, we pick up immediately and it seems no time has passed at all. As we walked along the wooded trails next to the water, I got to see a better glimpse of her heart for people and her passions in life.  She is truly a poster child for all things Colorado and Granola. She can rock a Patagonia and some chacos with the best of them. Her life moves at this steady pace that I admire greatly. She does not feel the need to always be around people or busy herself just to seem super involved. She is content with studying at Starbucks with a venti iced coffee. She has this quiet peace about her that makes my planning, anxious self relax a bit.  

Today, she taught me to walk slower.  

I think today, I stopped to breathe for the first time in months. In the woods walking next to the water, I didn't feel the need to plan or question or find something to do. Instead, I simply took in all of God’s creation around me. I am beyond thankful for friends who continually speak truth into my life: whether with words or by their actions. So often I look for the Lord frantically as I try to find the best place to read or posture to pray in but I truly believe He watches and thinks “Rebekah, just open your eyes and breathe”  for His beauty can be found in His creation.

  

The Sweet Sound of Redemption

  It began in the deep recesses of my heart. It was a relentless unsettling feeling that left me lying in an otherwise comfortable and inviting bed for hours with wide open eyes and a mind that would not stop racing. Sleep evaded me. Unsought tears would form and flow down my cheeks as soft cries turned to heart wrenching sobs. The only words my lips could form was a plea to a savior who believed my life was worth it. Images continued to flash across my thoughts. Images of a beaten and ridiculed man, a cross, hands with scars, a bloodstained ground, and my own sin. It was all there- laid out at the foot of that cross-uncovered and exposed. I felt ashamed and vulnerable that my own sin was completely visible before Him. I deserved a look of disgust, wrath, and death. I braced myself for these things but as I cried out to that Messiah King, all I received was mercy.  He saw my sins and the repulsive sins of this world yet he said we were worth it. He wanted to make us new. That night, I realized the cross was not meant to be a place of condemnation; rather it is a throne of grace. The man nailed to it did not intend for us to come before it and leave with shame and guilt. Instead, its more like an alter- a place where we come face to face with our sins and the ugliness of our hearts are exposed and he takes it. Friends, he takes it all. And when he takes it, we leave having been washed in grace and love. We leave filled with power and joy that can only come from an encounter with a King who has victory over sin and death. When we leave, he speaks the same words to our hearts as he did to the woman with the alabaster jar “You are forgiven. Go in peace”.

  With these six words, that Messiah spoke life into my soul. I found myself lying facedown and amidst the tears and labored breaths, all I could do was whisper a soft thank you. I remember as I laid there, my mind was flooded with verses of men and women who existed farther back in this story of redemption. When they found themselves before this Majestic Lord, the Word says they fell to their face and laid prostrate praising Him. Even the saints in heaven are in this same posture day and night crying holy. I cannot fathom this King who believes His people are worth dying for. It leaves me with nothing short of sheer wonder and amazement when I realize that my own thank you blends with the beautiful chorus of the Saints before his throne and the sinners coming to repentance- what a sweet sound that song of redemption must be to Him.

                                                 

Surviving Finals in the Fort

It is exam week for me and I admittedly have done a fair share of complaining about classes, studying, and social media making procrastination too easy. As easy as it can be to rattle of the negatives, it is necessary and good for me to reflect on the things I am thankful for. So here goes:

I am incredibly thankful for…

• Getting to finally see my roommate (who is an angel I swear). She is seriously my hero. She finished all of her projects and survived the toughest semester in her major all with a smile on her face. It is the first time in over a week we have been in the room together before 12:30 am
• The Fort. Its been quite the safe haven and has been filled with great memories from eating cookie dough with neighbors, tears from stress, and sweet times of prayer with women of strong faith. Also, it makes me feel like a kid again.
• Folger's Vanilla Biscotti coffee. Not only does our Fort/Room smell like a coffee shop but its the greatest tasting coffee known to man.  
• The sweet person who folded my clothes after they dried in the laundry room. 
• Great friends and nights filled with swing dancing, photo shoots at castles, fireworks, and laughter. 
• Panera creamy tomato soup and a discovery from Jordan that if you maintain eye contact and act confident, you can ask for more baguettes for free. Her advice "Startle them, act like this is normal"
• The awesome middle school girls in small group who get the gospel and can talk about Universalism and Justin Bieber in the same sentence. 
• The Lenning Family and their exam care basket. 
• The one year reunion of CTM and the joy these ladies have brought to my life. 
• Grace that I do not deserve and unfailing Love from my Christ. 
• Nutella Burnt Marshmallow Milkshakes- they will change your life.
• The encouraging letter I received in the mail today from an awesome man. 
• The old man I met at Walgreens who talked to me about grace that covers our past and the blessing of a new day. He said it best that "Every day is the best day because it is a chance to start fresh and praise God for another breath. We are no longer help captive by our yesterdays"
• Decorating Christmas cookies with my small group and and celebrating the upcoming weddings of our wonderful leaders.

Puzzles, Perfections, and Progress

Today I wore a cape. It was my first little act of rebellion in a while. For so long I’ve struggled to branch out of my comfortable safe articles of clothing in my wardrobe and break out the spontaneous purchases. You know, the ones you try on with your friends and under normal circumstances you would leave on the hanger where it would safely remain in the dressing room until the next bold uninhibited person would find it.  For some reason I bought this cape on a whim with every intention of finding a way to wear it. Yet this morning, I found it hidden in my closet unworn and decided that perhaps today was the day. So after much debate over what people would say, I put it on, walked out of the door, and felt a little freer.

 This freedom is not from magical powers this cape has. It is much deeper than that. This freedom is birthed out of a realization that I am not bound by people’s opinions or my own uncertainties.

  For so long, I have created a safe world for myself. A world in which I wear the same clothes, style my hair in the same part, order a cheese quesadilla at every Mexican restaurant, and continue to plan my future.  The last is the main point of this entry. It’s not really about the cape, its about the action behind donning it. Its about letting go and stepping out into the uncertainties of the world.

   After a very long heart to heart with my dear friend Abby last night, I realized how rigid my future plans were formed in my mind. For so long I have dreamt and longed to live in a foreign country and do mission work overseas. I wanted to be known by doing great things for the Lord. Now at their core, those things are not sinful or wrong at all, but the problem lies in the second sentence. I wanted to be known. I wanted people to see my life and think “man she is such a cool girl, look at her heart for the Lord”. As Abby so wisely said, since when are we called to be great?  We are called to serve the Lord with our lives and do things for his glory, but the error in my thinking is that I wanted to do things for God but receive the recognition for it. I admit this is not an easy post to write because it is incredibly humbling. Regardless of my good intentions, part of me still wanted the glory. Much like my closet, I have had my life compartmentalized for quite some time. I felt comfortable with the idea I had formed in my head of my future ministry. This past semester I have been freaking out because I feel the Lord is calling me in a different direction. As much as I keep trying to put on my safe jeans and the Loft solid shirt, I felt like I was supposed to branch out a bit.  I am so thankful we serve a relentless, loving, and merciful God because I know I have been quite the stubborn child.  Something Abby reminded me of is that even good things can become idols in our lives. My future plans were just that- an idol. 

  I had this fantasy in my head of what I would be doing and I assumed that as long as I put for the Lord at the end of it, I was okay. I would travel the world and help people for the Lord.  I greatly wanted to take a semester off of college and live in a foreign country for the Lord. I wanted to adopt 12 kids for the Lord. Now hear my heart these are all GOOD things and may very well be right and what the Lord is calling people to do and that is good! If he is calling you to do this, then by all means DO IT!! Personally, as much as I would love to do these things, they were more of an escape route for me. I wanted the title that came along with them and it seemed easier to serve God in a foreign context rather than right where I am now. Perhaps the Lord does have these plans in store of my future, but then again maybe not. What I have had to ask myself is If not, will I still follow him wholeheartedly without bitterness in my heart.

For so long, I have been trying to fit pieces together of a puzzle the Lord has not designed for me.

 I pray that somehow this encourages you. No one has it all together and there is beauty in letting go. Letting go of your own plans, letting go of your own rigid schedule, and letting go of caring what others think. Next to the cape in my closet is a gold sparkly dress draped on a hanger, another one of my on-a-whim purchases. I promised myself this time, I will not wait so long to remove the tags and wear it.