Puzzles, Perfections, and Progress

Today I wore a cape. It was my first little act of rebellion in a while. For so long I’ve struggled to branch out of my comfortable safe articles of clothing in my wardrobe and break out the spontaneous purchases. You know, the ones you try on with your friends and under normal circumstances you would leave on the hanger where it would safely remain in the dressing room until the next bold uninhibited person would find it.  For some reason I bought this cape on a whim with every intention of finding a way to wear it. Yet this morning, I found it hidden in my closet unworn and decided that perhaps today was the day. So after much debate over what people would say, I put it on, walked out of the door, and felt a little freer.

 This freedom is not from magical powers this cape has. It is much deeper than that. This freedom is birthed out of a realization that I am not bound by people’s opinions or my own uncertainties.

  For so long, I have created a safe world for myself. A world in which I wear the same clothes, style my hair in the same part, order a cheese quesadilla at every Mexican restaurant, and continue to plan my future.  The last is the main point of this entry. It’s not really about the cape, its about the action behind donning it. Its about letting go and stepping out into the uncertainties of the world.

   After a very long heart to heart with my dear friend Abby last night, I realized how rigid my future plans were formed in my mind. For so long I have dreamt and longed to live in a foreign country and do mission work overseas. I wanted to be known by doing great things for the Lord. Now at their core, those things are not sinful or wrong at all, but the problem lies in the second sentence. I wanted to be known. I wanted people to see my life and think “man she is such a cool girl, look at her heart for the Lord”. As Abby so wisely said, since when are we called to be great?  We are called to serve the Lord with our lives and do things for his glory, but the error in my thinking is that I wanted to do things for God but receive the recognition for it. I admit this is not an easy post to write because it is incredibly humbling. Regardless of my good intentions, part of me still wanted the glory. Much like my closet, I have had my life compartmentalized for quite some time. I felt comfortable with the idea I had formed in my head of my future ministry. This past semester I have been freaking out because I feel the Lord is calling me in a different direction. As much as I keep trying to put on my safe jeans and the Loft solid shirt, I felt like I was supposed to branch out a bit.  I am so thankful we serve a relentless, loving, and merciful God because I know I have been quite the stubborn child.  Something Abby reminded me of is that even good things can become idols in our lives. My future plans were just that- an idol. 

  I had this fantasy in my head of what I would be doing and I assumed that as long as I put for the Lord at the end of it, I was okay. I would travel the world and help people for the Lord.  I greatly wanted to take a semester off of college and live in a foreign country for the Lord. I wanted to adopt 12 kids for the Lord. Now hear my heart these are all GOOD things and may very well be right and what the Lord is calling people to do and that is good! If he is calling you to do this, then by all means DO IT!! Personally, as much as I would love to do these things, they were more of an escape route for me. I wanted the title that came along with them and it seemed easier to serve God in a foreign context rather than right where I am now. Perhaps the Lord does have these plans in store of my future, but then again maybe not. What I have had to ask myself is If not, will I still follow him wholeheartedly without bitterness in my heart.

For so long, I have been trying to fit pieces together of a puzzle the Lord has not designed for me.

 I pray that somehow this encourages you. No one has it all together and there is beauty in letting go. Letting go of your own plans, letting go of your own rigid schedule, and letting go of caring what others think. Next to the cape in my closet is a gold sparkly dress draped on a hanger, another one of my on-a-whim purchases. I promised myself this time, I will not wait so long to remove the tags and wear it.

God Our Healer

  Some of my favorite moments are when you sing songs during worship and something changes in your heart. Its that moment when the words you are singing instantly come to life and their meaning is truly known. No longer are you simply mouthing or singing words on the screen as the band or choir leads you but you are proclaiming and rejoicing truths from the depths of your soul.

Sometimes it may come out as a whisper as the truth that the Lord loves you and calls 

you His beloved overwhelms your broken spirit.  

Sometimes tears flow as the meaning of the cross and salvation hits you 

in a new way.  

Other times, words form as a battle cry of your heart as you claim truth 

against the lies of this world. 

When this happens, worship becomes more than a response to the musicians leading on a stage. Instead it is an overflow of the heart as you recognize your need of God and see Him in his splendor and glory.

  Last night as I stood in the back of the room of a wednesday night worship with middle and high school students, I had one of the encounters with the Lord. So often, I find myself singing and all the while praying for the students in front of me-that they will know this Jesus guy they sing about and figure out what this grace word means. Sadly, I often forget that the Lord is not just speaking to them, but He is also speaking to me.  As the guitarist began to play the first few chords of "Our God" chills formed as I realized the truth of these words. This great, strong, awesome in power God is my God! As the girls standing beside me sang out the line Our God is Healer, I admit I lost it. It was almost like the Lord was saying those exact words straight into my heart. He was telling me Rebekah, I love you. I see you. I see you when you forget about me and lose that battle to sin. I see the scars you bear, the wounds and hurts you carry in your heart, and the pain that comes with that. I see these but beloved, I can heal you.  Friend, if you are reading this, I pray that you find joy in this! There is not a wound, pain, sin, or scar the Lord cannot Heal. And you know what, He is not only able but He desires to heal you. He sent his son to willingly step into this dark world to save us. He can make beautiful things out of us. 

Joyful Thursdays: Friendships, Tables, and other Beautiful Gifts.

 

   Today the Lord reminded me of the beauty of the bond that is shared between girls and women in Christ.  There is something supernatural and unexplainable about this bond. It can admittedly be slightly terrifying at times as you let your guard down and in complete humility and vulnerability share the struggles, pain, and desires in the innermost part of your heart.  Yet there is something freeing as you do so.  You realize that perhaps you are not alone, perhaps someone else in this world has experienced or is enduring your same heartache or celebrating over the same joyous things. Although each of us have pasts and stories we all share the same theme of redemption and grace. Even though our struggles come in various forms, we each share in the same victory. A victory that is not our own nor something we could ever deserve, but a victory that has been given to us in the form of a savior on a cross. It is marked by underserved grace and love that is unfailing and infinite.

  I had the privilege of sitting in a small corner table and sharing a meal with a beautiful friend named Jordan. This sister has taught me what it means to find freedom in the Lord and fight the lies of the enemy. Today we rejoiced as she shared how the Lord answered prayers and shed tears as we laid our burdens on the table. As we sat there together I could not help but wonder how many stories this table has heard. I imagine many burdens have been spilled on it and encouragement has passed across. As she prayed over me and thanked the Lord for his grace, I thought about the hearts of the people who have sat at that very table. They each had their own pains, joys, scars, and stories. Then I thought about the stories yet to be shared- those of true love, old memories, plans for the future, or the sweet songs of redemption. I am blessed beyond belief to have these kinds of friendships that extend far beyond superficial things.  Jordan uses the phrase "I love you deep"  in text messages or emails and to me this sums up the body of Christ. It is a love that is often undeserved, selfless, and comes only from the Lord.

   After lunch, I decided to skip my last class of the day and settle myself in a table closest to a coffee source and relax for a bit. My sweet roommate happened to walk by and joined me in my effort to avoid schoolwork. We sat and talked about life, the importance of finding joy and rest in the Lord, and she gave me wisdom on an idea the Lord has laid on my heart.  I am forever thankful for her encouragement, support, and constant reminder of the Lord's goodness. I have never met anyone with such a beautiful servant's heart. As I found myself yet again, sharing life over a wooden table and cup of coffee, I realized that this is what I am in college. My major and getting a degree is extremely important, but more than that, I have the ability to truly share life with people and grow during this season.

  This evening I found myself gathered around yet another table with five other women at my small group leaders' apartment. These might be my favorite nights as we sit with cookies and coffee in hand and walk through the gospel of John.  This table has also heard many stories over the past few months. Across its surface we have laid out our innermost fears, talked about the word of God, and prayed sincerely for these words to change our hearts and lives.

   I am beyond thankful for the influence these women have in my life as they point me to the cross and teach me what it means to walk in freedom. I am increasingly glad the Lord made us relational people and I cannot help but marvel at how wonderfully He designed each of us to fit in the body of Christ and serve Him.

Today's Blessings

  I try to make it a point to discover something new every day or find joy in the simplest thing. Thus far, each day has been filled with these moments. The Lord has continued to bless me even though I so greatly do not deserve any of it. I realized many of my posts contain this similar theme: The Lord keeps blessing me and I am still so unworthy.  I do not think that this will ever make sense in my head but perhaps thats the point.  Instead, it leaves me in a state of sheer wonder and amazement.  I think Donald Miller says it in the most beautiful way when he wrote "wonder is that feeling we get when we let go of our silly answers, our mapped out rules that we want God to follow. I don't think there is any better worship than wonder” (Blue Like Jazz).  
  
  I admit I have tried many many times to map out my own life but try as I may, I always end up like the overambitious and slightly frustrated five year old little girl who tries to put the pieces together of a 500 piece puzzle without looking at the picture on the box. Those of you like me who have also tried this, bless your heart :) Recently though, I am trying to just embrace life and accept that although there are many things I cannot reconcile in my mind I must simply live and say yes to the Lord. Today, for the first time in a while, I decided to live these words out. So often I think these things, maybe type them, or even talk about them with a good friend but I have realized that words without actions lack meaning. I decided to consciously make an effort to not worry about the future but look around me and seek the presence of the Lord and the opportunities He is placing in front of me just for today. Its crazy how much freedom comes in handing over our burdens and anxieties to God.  Sometimes I feel what Im carrying might be just too heavy or too much to give over to the Lord but friends, the beauty is that its not! I have to remind myself that my Savior is a sacrificial Lamb but also a righteous King who has defeated death and sin. He is all powerful and there is no burden too great for Him to take from us. We just have to give it to Him! 

   In trying to live this out in my own life, I have learned so wonderful, sometimes humorous things this week. Here are just some of these realizations. 

• Walking places is so much better than driving. If I could get by without needing a car, I would do it. There is something peaceful about walking to class or to dinner and chatting with people along the way. Its almost like time slows down for a few brief moments. And its ok to make eye contact with the strangers you pass- a shared greeting might simply be the start of a new friendship.

• 8am Aqua Aerobics might have been the best decision I made in my schedule. No lie, I would do it everyday if I could. 

• My roommate might be an angel. Seriously y'all, she doesn't have me fooled! Scottie is the most selfless, servant hearted woman I know and I am beyond blessed to share life with her. She makes the best cupcakes and I know she will be the next Cupcake Queen. watch out Buddy Valastro! She has also introduced me to pretzel chips and dark chocolate pomegranates (these things could cure any ailment). Im almost positive these are the closest things to manna we can get.

• Starbucks pumpkin spice lattes can get you through almost any type of studying- but if you are more like me, good intentions of schoolwork often get replaced by socializing. You know those items or things that are special to you because they carry certain memories or stories? Well starbucks is kind of like that for me. Its a place that has brought me new friendships filled with laughter and joy, sweet times of community from gaining Biblical truths from my mentors to sharing hearts with dear friends, and it has been a haven to read or write. 

• My mom is the greatest woman on the planet. Now, I know everyone says that but Im the one thats acutally telling the truth :)  Spending time with her this weekend was such a blessing and I was reminded yet again of how selfless she is. She has also instilled in me the idea that a good shade of lipstick is essential for any day- All women, take this to heart! 

   

      
   

Touched By Grace

   This past semester and summer have been among the toughest I can recall but at the same time, it has been laced with sweet reminders and divine joy.  I learned a very important lesson-one that you probably have already learned yourself but sometimes I think I learn things the difficult way. The lesson was that of sin and grace.  I think my mentor said it best that when we are not fully walking with the Lord and dying to ourself and the things of this world daily, there is no sin that we are incapable of succumbing to. I must admit that I sometimes feel invincible to some sin. When I would hear of people struggling with something, I would put it on my list and make sure it ranked higher than any of my flaws and instantly make myself feel less guilty about my own shortcomings. And like any good southern girl, I would respond with "bless her heart" and thank the Lord that was not part of my testimony. But here's the thing I have learned about this sin thing- the Lord does not have a ranking list, nor does He see one person's sin as being worse than the other. He hates all of it but the good news is that there is not a sin you can commit that cannot be covered by the blood of Christ.

   I started a book a good friend recommended and I learned something else about sin. Sometimes the tempter can come in the appearance of a Shepherd. The lies of Satan can seem so convincing.  I realized in my sin, I had myself fully convinced that what I was doing was not sinful. I tried to justify it but in the end I was simply pleading ignorance and allowing the son of the earth - Satan- to shepherd me down the slaughterhouse drive. ("Tempted and Tried"). In late Spring, I began for a few moments to see glimpses of the sin I was in but I became disconnected with God and continued to serve my own appetite instead of Him. I fully believed I was in control of it all but the thing about sin is that it will eventually be brought to light.

  One night the full weight of my filth that separated me from the Lord hit me. I found myself in a wasteland battling the lies of Satan and beginning to believe that perhaps there was no hope. As I began to doubt my worth the enemy's lies came to the forefront of my mind. Thoughts like You are insignificant...God cannot possibly use you…you are too inadequate to serve the Lord in ministry…you cannot overcome this began to cripple me. As I sat in the floor feeling wounded and worthless the only place I knew to turn was the Bible. Although at the time I could not depict what were lies and what were truths, I knew the supreme source of truth was the Word of God so I decided to begin there. To be honest, I did not even know where to start so I opened the Bible and landed in Luke chapter 7. The title on the paragraph said these words A Sinful Woman Anoints Jesus' Feet. Tears streamed down my face as I began to read the story I had read many times before and even heard in church but for the first time, it resonated with me. In the story Jesus was having dinner with a Pharisee. Verse 37 starts by saying

"When a woman who had lived a sinful life in that town learned that Jesus was eating at the      Pharisee's house, she brought an alabaster jar of perfume, and as she stood behind him at his feet weeping, she began to wet his feet with her tears. Then she wiped them with her hair, kissed them and poured perfume on them.  When the Pharisee who had invited him saw this, he said to himself 'If this man were a prophet, he would know who is touching him and what kind of woman she is- that she is a sinner'"

  I am certainly not a biblical scholar and there are so many things I do not understand but as I read this so many things came to my mind. The first is that this woman knew she was a sinner and in the wrong and she sought out Jesus. Many times when we are caught up in sin, we let our guilt cripple us and prevent us from coming before the one who has the power to wash us and make us white as snow, but this woman got it. We are not told how she knew he was there or all of the details but we do know that she heard about this Jesus guy and knew she needed to find him- that he was the only one who could forgive her sins. Secondly, it says she brought her alabaster jar. Many believe this jar was probably used for her job as a prostitute. She took this jar of perfume and she poured it out on his feet which symbolizes that she is through with her life in sin and is emptying it all out completely before Christ. As I read this passage I could identify with this woman. I recognized the sin in my life and knew the only one that could free me from it was Christ, but I still struggled with boldly coming before the throne of grace with confidence. As I read verse 38 that said she stood at his feet weeping and "she began to wet his feet with tears" my own tears flowed freely onto the pages of Luke. When I saw how the Pharisee looked at her and saw her sin and questioned Jesus' character, a knot formed in my throat and the invading lies began again for how could I dare to come before Jesus, my sin would surely mar his name. Jesus had every reason to walk away from that woman just as he has every reason to leave me in my sin. He gains nothing by associating with sinners in the eyes of men. But friends we cannot stop here. For this woman's story is not over yet just as mine had not ended. The beauty of the gospel-of the truths of Christ- is that He did not desert her nor will he desert you or I. Instead a few verses down he turned to Simon and said

"Do you not see this woman? I came into your house. You did not give me any water for my feet, but she wet my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair. You did not give me a kiss, but this woman, from the time I entered, has not stopped kissing my feet. You did not put oil on my head, but she has poured perfume on my feet. Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven for she loved much. But he who has been forgiven little loves little"

   Such freedom to be found in these words uttered from the mouth of a loving savior- a sacrificial lamb. As I read this I thought perhaps my story is not over yet- just as your story is not over. I do not know where this finds you but I pray whatever battle you are fighting or sin you find yourself entangled it, you will see the beauty of this text and let it wash over you. This woman brought all she had and laid it before her Savior and you know what He did, he forgave her. He even praised her to the people who mocked her. Thats what He is doing in our lives as well. When we come before Him, he forgives us (what a beautiful word) and speaks against Satan's lies that we are worthless. Instead He calls us His Beloved. In Genesis it says the Lord saw all He had made and saw that it was very good. Because the Lord is omnipresent and can see the past, present, and future, I like to think He saw all of us on that day. He saw us as a baby and he saw the sins we would commit and you know what, he still said it was good because the story does not stop there.  We also have to remember that many many years ago, a man was put on the cross and willingly died the worst imaginable death for us.

   This summer for the first time the meaning of the cross truly resonated with me. It's not just a historical event or something we celebrate once a year nor was it just for certain people in that time period. Christ's death radically effects everyone. I pray you realize as I did the wonderful meaning of grace. As I kept rereading the story of the woman with the alabaster jar it hit me as I read the words of Jesus as he said to her "woman you are forgiven. Go in peace" I remember crying even harder as I could feel my Savior whispering these same words to my heart. I realized that as the nails were put into Christ's hands, my sin was there. As he was beaten and pierced through with a rod, my sin was there too propelling the abuse. I saw the sins he came to die for and carry, and mine was there. But the most beautiful part was that the blood that flowed on the cross that day also flowed and covered my own sins and by His wounds I am healed. Dear friend, find solace and hope in this. Rest in his grace and remember that despite the lies of the enemy, you are His beloved- by His wounds you are healed. 

Sweet Blessings By and By

  I have realized as of late that the Lord answers prayers often in the most unexpected ways.  His ways are sometimes not our own but they truly bring much more joy than you or I could ever fathom.  I admit I always struggle with how to start a blog entry.  I always fear I never have the right words or most captivating line to entice the reader to continue- much like an author uses in a novel- but I suppose sometimes those things may not be completely necessary.  So for now, I am left starting with a simple truth that the Lord is so good and I am so blessed. 


  The past few weeks have been a whirlwind of sorts. I have not been feeling entirely great and between doctor visits and tests I have altogether neglected writing but I have learned much through this time and as I type these thoughts out, I am reminded again of the sovereignty of the Lord and the way he provides despite our questioning.  Although being sick is not the best feeling I have had time to rest, read his word, and cling to the truths in a new way.  On days where I could not eat, I learned what it meant to be filled with strength and joy that comes only from the Lord. As I visited the hospital several times this week for tests I was filled with peace that surpasses all understanding as I spent time with the Lord in prayer asking for answers that no doctor was able to produce. I admit some days I had no desire to smile or talk to the nurses or other patients around me but I realized something this week- something completely lacking profundity but a good word I needed to hear-  Its not about me! I am sure this is not a deep concept that plagued the minds of great thinkers such as Aristotle or St. Augustine, but they were human so perhaps it did. Regardless, I realized that for this time I had the ability to share the hope and love of God with the nurses, doctors, and patients around me whether it was simply through a smile or a conversation about my heart for missions and ministry.  


   I wish I could say I realized this on my own, but it occurred to me as I was sitting in a waiting room one morning next to a strong woman I admire deeply, my mother.  As Cissy and I were gazing at the news reports on the television and flipping aimlessly through magazines, a mentally handicapped woman walked by clearly confused and distressed. She walked outside the entrance of the building and waited for a few moments.  My mother immediately stood up, walked outside and talked to the woman as everyone in the full waiting room watched to see what would happen next.  Apparently the bus service had not arrived to pick the lady up so Cissy did what she does best and took charge. She found the number, called the bus driver, talked to the lady, and had her on the bus in five minutes. As she entered the building again, an older man in the corner spoke up and said "Young woman, that was the sweetest thing I have seen. The world needs more people like you!" Although Im convinced they all thought this angel was my sister (which probably made her day), I can honestly say I have never been more proud to call her my mom.  This woman truly lives out 1 John 4 as Peter tells us to love one another, for love comes from God.  In her simple action, I saw the importance of seeing the people around us and taking the advantage of the opportunities in our path to serve the Lord.  After several weeks I am feeling so much better and although I have no full explanation for it, I know it is completely God!  I do not regret a moment of feeling sick, for even in my weakness He was made stronger.  I am incredible thankful though that I am doing so much better. 


   I cannot write without mentioning the wonderful people I am blessed to call dear friends and although ill never be able to mention them all, here are a small few who have brightened my day in so many ways and made my life so much sweeter.


   My sister Heidi- a woman I am incredibly proud of and thankful for.  She is so strong and it has been   a blessing to be home for the summer and spend time with her.  


  CTM girls: Jordan, Laura, Maggie, Abby, and Christine.  From hilarious group texts to lunch dates these ladies are some of my best friends. I cannot wait to all reunite in a few short months. 


 Then there's Amanda who truly gets this Jesus guy.  She has such a heart for people and every phone conversation and text message leaves me encouraged and challenged beyond belief.  The Lord is doing incredible things through her and I am blessed to know her.  She told me about this book called Tempted and Tried and I'm reading it right now. You should definitely read it! It is rocking my world- in a good way :) 


  My sweet friend Shannon from 4th east is now on a mission trip to Israel which is so incredible cool! We both share a love of coffee (ok maybe mine is an addiction) and quaint eating places. My favorite memories of our friendship includes late night chats in my dorm room, standing in the hallway laughing hysterically, and Saturday brunch at Original Pancake House downtown. Fun fact: we are kind of the same person and usually same the same words at the same time in a conversation. Its actually pretty hilarious. 


  The Lord has blessed me greatly with my internship at church this summer. Although this will take another entry entirely, Im so blessed to work with Sarah Benson- a girl who has a heart set on serving the Lord.  Its so beautiful to see her wrestle with what that means for her life and seek to glorify Him with everything.  Her honesty and compassion for people is awesome and I love our talks about what it means to live as a Christian in America.  She has such a heart for middle school girls and is so gifted at encouraging and teaching them. 


  I could talk for ages about my dear friends Becca and Bradford. We are like the three musketeers- but cooler. Bradford is incredibly gifted at everything musical and its so neat to see how He uses these gifts to glorify the Lord. He challenges me to worship God in every aspect of my life and live boldly for Him.  Becca, Miss Texas Pride, is the most encouraging person on the face of the earth.  Whether I have had a rough day or just need advice, she always knows what to say.  These friends have spoiled me beyond belief but I appreciate them greatly. 


  Lastly there's my best friend Teddie, who I have known from the days when low pony tails, middle parts, and bermuda shorts were in style. This summer, we fulfilled a two year dream and went to the RC Cola Moon Pie Festival in Bell Buckle (Pretty sure time instantly stops once you enter this town- its the greatest).  



 

Sin with the Low Price of $19.99

        

         This past semester in my church small group, we talked about the sinfulness of man and our desperate need for Christ.  Although this statement isn’t new at all, I feel like over the many years of hearing this in church, it somehow lost its weight and meaning in my heart.  As we live in the world, we become desensitized to sin and even try to fool ourselves into thinking it is okay. Worse comes to worse, we will repent of it later and “make it right with God’ when we are old and closer to death.  Among many other issues with this mentality, the greatest is that we completely discount the seriousness of sin in our lives.  The theme that kept appearing as I studied the Bible last semester was the Holiness of God.  Although we definitely serve a gracious Lord who sent his son to die for our sins and save us, we must realize that if we are continuing to hold onto sin in our lives, we can not grow and deepen our relationship with this same sovereign Lord who hates sin.

            The beauty is that we serve this awesome God who is a master potter.  There is no blemish in the clay he cannot fix, we simply must be willing to come and sit before him and allow him to take over completely.  This sounds so easy, but to be completely transparent, this past semester I found myself fighting this very thing with every bit of my flesh. I imagine that to God, I looked like a two year old throwing a ridiculous tantrum- you know the kind where the kid is kicking on the floor, seriously upset and the parent just stares and holds back a laughs because the whole thing is actually rather funny. I knew exactly what the sin was in my life and I knew what it took to get rid of it.  The problem with sin is that is so appealing.  It comes in a nice pretty box wrapped and topped with a bow.  In concept it seems wonderful BUT this is completely a LIE!

            In reality, sin is kind of like an as-seen-on-TV gift.   It has a wonderful 15 minute infomercial explaining its too good to be true qualities for sale at the amazingly low price of $19.99.  I know all about these infomercials. My dad likes these things a lot, but he also likes really odd trinkets that seem to serve no purpose.  He has even purchased several of these items and given them as gifts. [I know because I was the lucky recipient of a spider shaped head massager last Christmas- I know you’re jealous now] I hate to burst anyone’s bubble but in all honesty: these items never work!  If you stop and think about it, the maker of them must be pretty desperate to get rid of them if he invests that much energy and money into a commercial to get them off his hands.  Sin is much like these advertised items.  No matter how pretty of a box it comes in, the contents are still cheap, poorly constructed, and never live up to their expectations.  We consumer-minded people buy perfectly into Satan’s lies and the world’s. 

            Sadly, after three days and many attempts, we realize the knife the Sham Wow guy swore would cut through steal wont even slice an apple and we are left having to face the reality of our disillusionment and twenty bucks poorer.  Honestly, I find myself at times like the consumer who has just purchased the cheap item and Im still refusing to admit defeat and throw it away.  I still try to convince myself that if I just give it one more chance, then it will be worth that shipping and handling fee.  In these moments, deep down, I know that I am wrong in so many ways, but my pride and desire for autonomy is unwilling to let go and I absolutely hate this about myself.  The truth is that to walk with the Lord, we HAVE to give this sin over to Him.  We have to approach the throne with confidence and declare that although this sin is appealing, we desire Him and want Him more than we want this sin.  Thankfully, we serve a relentless, patient, and wonderful God who lavishes us with his Love and mercy and forgives our sin when we turn to him with a heart full of repentance.